mental health · My Trip To Mexico · writing

Mexico: My Anxiety

I feel that before I can start any topic on my road trip to Mexico, I must talk about my anxiety. My biggest fear leading up to the date that I left for my 2-3 day drive was, what am I going to do if I get an anxiety attack? In moments of vulnerability I don’t think about anything but to cry and well… feel vulnerable. My father, my brother, and a family friend was in the car with us. Yup, that’s right. Three men and one girl. None of them being educated with anxiety or have any bit knowledge on what to do if it happens.

My biggest fear.

Where do I begin? The road trip or the trip in itself? Well let me just say that it doesn’t matter because I did not get anxiety. Fuck, that feels so good to say. From the 21st of December up until the 5th of January my body was anxiety free. Up till this day, I have been anxiety free. Thank God.

I should mention though that I had a small panic/anxiety attack at a rest stop one hour into the road trip. Partially because I mentioned that nobody in the car had any clue what this mental illness that we call anxiety is.

I’m still going to write a rather long blog post for it though.

From the minute we left my house, I decided to write on my Notes section of my phone to take note of every time I had a feeling of anxiety. Here is what I have:

12/21; 5:00am: My first anxiety attacked my body. God, put a rest spot in front of our eyes at that VERY MOMENT when I turned to my dad and told him “me siento mal”. We pulled over in the rest spot and I sat in the car as the fresh cold air hit my body. I want to go home. My dad came around the car since I insisted that I wasn’t going to go to the bathroom alone. Once we were away from the man we were giving a ride and my brother, I lost it. Tears ran down my face and I stopped being strong. Vulnerability arose. I was weak. My body was shaking from the cold and the anxiety. I want go back home. I can’t do this. I need my mom. I’m sorry.

12/21; 6:04am: Saw a shooting star and wished for no more anxiety attacks. I ask God for forgiveness for being selfish and using that wish on myself.

12/21; 6:07pm: it’s getting dark and I’m starting to realize that my anxiety is going to start kicking in. I have PTSD and driving at night reminds me of the night at the gas station. I think I’ll be fine. We are on our way to the hotel room.

That’s all I wrote down.

When we pulled over to the rest stop and my father walked me to the restroom, I reminded him that I didn’t feel good. I hugged him and actually broke down in his arms, which I forgot to mention in my notes. I found it very comforting to hear my dad tell me that if I needed anything he would pull over for me and that he would drive at a pace that I felt comfortable. He reminded me that he is going to be there for me just like my mom is when I have anxiety attacks. Hearing those words come from my dad made me feel so good. Not only that but I saw the fear in his eyes. My mother is usually the one that handles my anxiety. He is normally the one that stands by in case of an emergency. Once I got back in the car, it was as if nothing had happened. My anxiety had vanished.

I also took note on how I got through the little bits of anxiety I felt when I had gotten back in the car:

  1. Hug. Asked my dad to give me a tight long hug. Doesn’t make sense reading it but trust me it helps a lot. The comfort of someone holding you does a lot more than you will ever imagine.
  2. Music. Now I usually listen to upbeat music like “electric avenue”, “living in a prayer”, and others. For my anxiety, I knew listening to these songs wasn’t going to be helpful since I am very sensitive. I put some low slow tunes on such as Therapy by Khalid, Not about Angels, feeling Whitney and others. It helped me a lot.
  3. Warmth. I covered myself more and the warmth felt like hugs.
  4. Water. I took a couple of sips of water and it helped settle my stomach. The nausea started to disappear and anxiety tagged along.

54 hours later we got to our destination; Amatitan, Jalisco, Mexico.

I stepped out of my comfort zone a lot during this trip and I don’t regret the slightest bit of it. The first couple of days that we were in Mexico it was just my mother (she arrived on a plane due to work), my father, my brother, and I. Of course there was about 50+ family members there, but I am talking about my siblings and parents. I found this comfort in knowing that my sister was going to be my backbone during this trip. If we went swimming out of the city, to get ice cream, or simply anything and my parents weren’t around, I was going to be turning to her for comfort and help. So, the first couple of days she was still in Ventura, California working. My cousins insisted on taking me to El Centro to get some ice cream, tacos, churros, chasca, etc. These girls are about 8-12 years old so it was quite difficult for me to say no to their little cute faces. I caved in and once we started walking, I had a thoughts and questions at the back of my mind:

How far is this? Would if I get an anxiety attack? These 2 girls are 9 and 12 years old and have no idea what anxiety is. Should I just turn around? Is this a good idea? Irma?! What do I do??? Can’t you just wait until your sister comes home?

By the time we crossed a main road that crosses through Amatitan, every inch of fear that I felt I had disappeared. Everyone in this city knew me. From left to right. People were greeting me and asking when we got to town. I felt safe. El centro ended up being a 10 minute walk from my house. I was going to be okay.

Before leaving to Mexico, my mother had a talk with me. Due to work, she was going to have to fly back home the 25th of December, but she would be coming back the 28th of December. I was dreading this day. There was no way I was not going to have an anxiety attack. No way. On the 24th, we stayed up until 4am, which in California is actually 2am so my sleeping schedule was already used to going to bed at the time. I was so tired that when my mother left the 25th, I didn’t really notice. On the 26th we ended up going swimming and having a blast. My family knows about my anxiety and how I get so the did everything in their will to make sure I was okay. When my mother left, my aunts arrived at the house early in the morning everyday they took care of all of us. From cleaning to cooking to simply making us laugh.

Over here in California or the United States in general, I don’t have a lot of family. I have one uncle that lives in the same city as us which I communicate with a lot because of my cousin, then an uncle in San Jose who I never see, an uncle in Texas who I don’t see often but we do talk, and then an aunt in San Diego whose name I don’t even know. The holidays has become a time of being lonely and bitter. It’s usually my mom, dad, brother and I. Time to time my sister tries her best to come to town, but it’s pretty rare. On top of that I don’t really socialize. I’m your typical anti-social girl. Mexico was an overall different environment and living experience for me. The minute I entered this country it was as if border patrol didn’t let my anxiety pass.

You’ll travel safely, you’ll neither tire nor trip. You’ll take afternoon naps without a worry, you’ll enjoy a good night’s sleep. No need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday’s just around the corner, Because God will be right there with you; he’ll keep you safe and sound.
– Proverbs 3:23-26
Daily Entries · mental health · writing

September 17, 2017

After yesterdays blog post I have decided to not start off with a greeting. It’s weird and totally not me. Plus it makes me feel like I have to keep my blog posts short, and you know me I LOVE TO TALK… I mean write. Same thing. Kind of.


My boyfriend and I shot some photos for my shop today. I am normally behind the camera, but I wanted to do some modeling as well. After doing so, I am definitely going to be staying behind the camera for a while. Here are some of the new tops from our collection, “Latina of the Corn”. (Click Here). Here are some of my favorite shots with my favorite items. These items are not in that precise collection, but rather sold alone. Check them out, (Click Here)

So the next little paragraph is a rant that I feel I am overreacting about, but I wrote it and I don’t want to delete it. If you wish to skip, scroll down until you see bold letters that read, “TAMBOS“. I just made up that word on the spot. I could’ve gone with “STOP” or “HERE”, but no…  “TAMBOS” it is….

I was on snapchat and this girl is posting all over her social media that she is basically going to kill herself. She posted on her Instagram:

I’m done with everything *crying emoji* I’m fr going ghost now . Fuck *crying emoji* this aint a joke , my time has come *heart break emoji* *waving emoji*

Her caption this post was, ” please don’t text me.” If you don’t want anybody asking questions why the fuck would you post something like this on social media? And then posted it on her Instagram story. Then on her snapchat story she posted a series of images with words that read, “I swear I want to just die rn . No Joke . *crying emoji* this shit is killing me”, then posted a screenshot of her Instagram page with the words, “I’m fr . I deleted all my shit *crying emoji* ik ima go through some depression shit but fuck ima be off everything for a long time . It’s crazy how things can change in just a minute *high five emoji* *crying emoji*”, and then the whole reason why I am fired up, she posted an image of Priscilla Garcia with the words, “I’ll see you soon beautiful”. If you aren’t from my lovely hometown of Woodland nor have read my previous blog posts then you don’t who Priscilla is. She is a girl that passed away from Cancer in June, (click here). I didn’t get to know her on a personal level nor was I quite close to her, but this young girl was a fighter. She had so much strength to fight her cancer. She was, better yet, still IS a beautiful soul. Normally I am a strong advocator for mental health and would normally never hold such aggression towards a topic. I would normally reach out to the girl and talk to her, but this is different. Priscilla passed away a little over 3 months ago and you are bringing her up in that context? It makes me mad because Priscilla was always so full of life and happiness and we all wish she was her today. To talk about wanting to take your own life with Priscilla in the same sentence, like who are you? I don’t even know why I am talking so much about this. I am just infuriated how people make being suicidal a joke. It’s a feeling of being so numb to everything that you no longer wish to be on this planet. A feeling that interferes with your everyday life routine. Not wanting to feel anymore. If you want attention do something else, but watch your actions. It’s things like this that make me want to move out of this town again. May God, continue to give me the patience that I have to keep my cool, because I was about to lash out on her for posting something so stupid.

On a serious note, I do hope that this girl is okay and it is just out of attention.


Last night was a rough night. I had a major anxiety attack which I haven’t had for a while. Well I had a panic attack last week on Saturday, but this anxiety attack was caused by being cold. Oh and from spicy food. I had taken a shower with cold water because our water heater doesn’t work. Our AC was also on, but I enjoy sleeping with my window open, so it was very cold. I had one small blanket because I was doing laundry but I was planning on drying the blanket the today in the morning. Well I began to get really cold and when that happens my anxiety gets triggered. It was like 1-2am and I was also eating Hot Cheetos, because I am unhealthy and late night cravings are a big thing for me. In the beginning of this year I developed severe acid reflex, which means this Latina couldn’t put jalapenos, tapatio, valentina, salsa, chile de tomate, tajin, etc., ON ANYTHING. If I did I was going to get a really bad sensation of wanting to throw up. Small fact about me, I have a huge fear of throwing up. WHICH SMALL SIDETRACK/ SIDE NOTE COMMENTARY.. SOMEONE THREW UP IN OUR DRIVE WAY TODAY. WHICH I THOUGHT WAS DISGUSTING AND I AM HOPING THAT EITHER MY MOTHER OR FATHER HOSED IT DOWN BECAUSE IF I GET EVEN A GLIMPSE OF IT, I WILL THROW UP. Anyways, back to what I was saying. My acid reflex has calmed down a bit over the months, but last night it was bad. I had half of those small bags of hot Cheetos and was I freaking out. I had to have my mom come and hold me, because it got really ugly really fast. It’s weird because looking back at every situation that I have been in that are similar to this, I think to myself, “What’s so scary about throwing up?” I don’t know. I truly don’t.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves

– Philippians 2:3

mental health · Poems · poetry · writing

Our Minds

People will claim that guns and knives are deadly but they aren’t. Our minds are. They drive us to lift these not so deadly weapons. We have a brain and we don’t even know everything about it just like the ocean. Imagine you can breathe under water and someone puts you in the middle of the ocean hundreds of feet below surface (lets pretend your head won’t blow off either due to sea levels). It can be a very dark and scary place. Wait… am I talking about our minds or the ocean?

I am in a current battle against the devious anxiety. It’s looking pretty good for me, if I do say so myself. But, I was once millions of feet under land in a dark place. Unidentified Sharks would come out of no where and make me feel helpless. Unidentified sharks would soon become identified as suicide and depression. I felt as if I was drowning and I couldn’t breathe every minute of everyday. I learned how to navigate myself in the ocean and I was now in control. I became one with the ocean. I became one with my body. My soft skin, my 10 fingers, my big thighs, the stitches on my belly, the scars on my wrists, my long hair, my small lips, this is who I was. I was floating on water as the waves took me to shore. I put my faith in the moon that would attract these waves. I put my faith in God who would get me out of my head. Touch your body and admire your characteristics in the mirror. Become one with yourself.

You are in control. There’s only one spirit in that body of yours so don’t tell me that your going to let that brain of yours boss you around. If you want to stop the anxiety attack you are breathing make your brain fuck off and concentrate on your breathing. Take control of the wheel and realize where you are. I am in my bedroom trying to calm down. Most importantly, you are in that body. YOU are in control. Anxiety WILL take advantage of you when you are at your weakest. It feeds off stress and fear. Hold your head up high and become one with your body. Rub your arms and feel that you are causing movement. You are controlling your hand to rub your arm. Not anxiety, but you. Move your fingers around. Who is making them move? YOU. YOU. YOU. You are in control.

During my anxiety attacks I become little within my own body. I become a visitor rather than a host. I get shut out and I can’t control my breathing or my thoughts. It’s as if my mind takes over. But NO. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next month. Never. Take control of yourself. Breathe in for 7 seconds, hold for 8 seconds and exhale for 7 seconds. If you can control your breathing then guess what sweetheart? You can control that anxiety attack of yours. You might feel helpless and scared in the moment but nothing will happen to you. Think about the previous times that you have had an anxiety attack. Did you die? Obviously not if you are having another one. The fact that you survived to go through another anxiety attack makes you a bad bitch. The strength it takes to get through one of those is so inspiring. In those few seconds to hours where you become helpless to your own body are the most scariest. May you become strong enough to kick anxiety’s ass. You. Your friend. Your mom. Your dog. Me. Anyone. Nobody deserves to have this parasite we call anxiety in our brain.

Stop taking so many daily visits into that mind of yours. It’s dark and scary. Nothing is worth worrying about to the point where you give yourself a mental health problem, I promise. Breathe. Take a trip to the beach and walk the shore. Reassure yourself that whatever it is you are worrying about isn’t worth a lifetime of fear.

If you are in a battle with anxiety like I am, I hope you realize that, that place where your soul comes home, well that’s your body. That’s yours and nobody else’s. You are in control of every movement and word you speak, just as you are of every thought. Get out of your head and just take big inhale of air. I hope that one day you are able to say that you made anxiety afraid of you, so they decided to dip. I hope you take control of your body.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

– John 14:27

mental health · Poems · poetry · writing

Anxiety: A War

It’s dark. My body is warm. There is no visible movement in the bedroom except for my roaming thoughts. Is my family still proud of me? Am I better off dead? Am I wasting more money than I am actually making on Etsy? Should I eat today? Did I take my medication? Am I pregnant? Who would miss me if I disappeared? Why are you so ugly?  Theres’s a sudden knock, it’s anxiety. She’s on the “do not open under any circumstance” list. She still managed to break in. The bitch has no manners. She attacks unexpectedly. Well not so unexpectedly, she’s known for damaging people. She’s known for hurting me. Every inch of my body is now ice cold. I am shaking. I can’t breathe. I begin to find myself on a boat in the ocean of my own tears. The only issue is that I am not in control. She is. We’ve tipped over multiple times now. Depression sneaked up on me. He was swimming around in my tears, when he smelled anxiety. He has a hold of my head. I thought he didn’t exist anymore. I thought he was extinct. I’m screaming for help, but my mouth isn’t moving. Why isn’t anybody helping? I’m in the darkness. I’m drowning. “HELP?!”

It’s done. My gears have been shifted. This is no longer Irma. My attitude? My sense of humor? My sarcasm? My hatred? My passion? My motivations? My smile? Wrong. Anxiety’s attitude. Anxiety’s sense of humor. Anxiety’s lack of sarcasm. Anxiety’s raving hatred. Anxiety’s passion. Anxiety’s cruel motivations. Anxiety’s frown. This is her body. She is feeding off of my thoughts. If you see here on the streets, give her a piece of your mind. She hates that. I love that.

I’m slowly killing her with Sertraline. I’m will gain back all control. Going to the movies at 9am on a Tuesday? Sure. Driving to Davis at 8pm alone? Why not? Staying home alone at 2am? Fuck it, I can do it. I’m in control. I put locks on my door. I have body guards at each of my sides. Fuck you anxiety. You can play with my head all you want, but there’s something I have that you don’t. A heart. It beats every hour, every second, every minute, every millisecond… FOR ME. She has my back. She has shown me every reason to make you extinct. My family. My boyfriend. My friends. My dog. My neighbor. The stranger walking down the street who always greets me. And for someone who never comes to my mind. Me. This is a battle I am going to fight for myself. She deserves it. She’s been forced to walk through hell holding anxiety’s hand. It nearly killed me. She messed with the wrong girl. She forgot about my heart. She forgot that because of my heart, I feel. So it’s go time. You want a fight, bring it.

No more being afraid of the dark.


Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

– Proverbs 4:23

mental health · writing

Let Down…

It is 12:11am and I feel like I have let down my family. Specifically speaking, my sister and dad. My head hurts so badly and I feel like I am going to throw up from how disappointed and let down I feel.

My dad works so hard, 3am to 5pm everyday, to give his children everything so that they can get an education. Which is why I feel that I have let him down. He is constantly asking me about school. “Where are you going to go study now that you aren’t at San Francisco State?”, (in Spanish obviously) or, ” Do you even want to study anymore?” These questions hurt me so much. I love school. I always have, it’s been in my life for practically all of it. It has never let me down. I love being a student. I love to learn. Unfortunately my anxiety has taken over my brain and my body and i’m still trying to figure out how to get it back. But it hurts me so much when I hear my dad talk about my brothers and I on the phone. He describes my sister as an educated business women with a college degree who lives in Santa Barbara. He describes my brother as an athlete that runs really fast and who has his wall covered in medals. He describes me… oh wait he doesn’t. He tells them about the past 2 incidents where he had to take me to the hospital due to my anxiety and how I had to come home from college. Thanks dad.

As for my sister, she doesn’t have to say these exact words but I know that she no longer supports me or for that matter respects me. I am in recovery mode and I find myself with so much time on my hands. I don’t have friends because frankly I push people away. I don’t want to hurt anyone or put them in an awkward situation where I am having a panic attack. So with my spare time I like to sell stuff on etsy, write blogs, join affiliate programs, get my followers on social media to increase to be a social influenster, do photoshoots, and other small things. If you notice all of these activities can be done in the comfort of my bedroom and/or my home for that matter. My safe spot. I feel good here. I don’t have to worry about getting an anxiety attack and having people watch me cry as my hands cramp up. So to my sister, I am sorry that I can’t just get on a plane and go to Cabo with you. I am sorry that I can’t just have mom and dad drop me off in Santa Barbara with you. I am sorry that I had to stop going to college. I am sorry that I am not your ideal sister. I am sorry that I have so much shit wrong with me. I am sorry that you can no longer make inside jokes about Community College because I have to go there now. I am sorry I have disappointed you. It is quite clear to me now that we no longer have that small bond that we used to share.

I really needed to express this feeling because it is eating away at my brain. The disappointed. The remorse. The hate. The let down. I hope that I can eventually regain your support back, because I am trying so hard. You don’t understand. This is a living hell for me.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
– Corinthians 1 3:4-7
mental health · writing

How to get through Anxiety

1. Acceptance. Accepting the fact that you are having anxiety.

2. Communication. Telling yourself, “It’s just an anxiety attack, you are okay.”

3. Cry. From my own personal experiences I have learned that crying helps take a lot of tension from my brain. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I my thoughts shift quite a bit when I allow myself to cry. After doing #1 and #2, I allow myself to cry and continuously tell myself I am okay.

4. Seeking Help. Telling yourself that you can get help to your door in a matter of minutes if you need it. Whether it’s a friend or a family member that you know can hold you and be there for you. In many cases, from personal experience, friends and family are either unavailable or nonexistent. In that case you always have the alternative to call 911. Don’t be afraid to do it, seriously. That is what they are here for. Although, they aren’t of much help, in terms of medication, they do fill that gap of loneliness. They are paid to help you. Even if you don’t need to be taken to the E.R, you can still call them.

5. Sleep. This is a very difficult thing to do, but it works sometimes. Anxiety is all brain stuff so it gets very tiring when your constantly thinking about your fears. Breathe, lay down in a place where you are comfortable sleeping, close your eyes, and dream. Dream about the ocean, or whatever makes you happy. Although this isn’t a long term solution, sometimes you just don’t want to deal with anxiety. Close your eyes and let your dreams take over.

6. Breathe. When you have an anxiety attack your breathing tends to either get really heavy or really slow. In many cases, such as in my experience, you can hyperventilate. When you don’t breathe correctly you will experience a “clam up”, also known as cramping in your hands and legs. It hurts pretty badly, so breathe. During an anxiety attack, calming yourself down becomes one of the most difficult duties you’ve ever done.  You are freaking out and most of the time you are just trying to figure out why. Try to steer your mind away, which is very difficult, but you can do it, and breath. Get your timer out. Breathe in 7 seconds. Hold for 8 seconds. Breathe out for 7 seconds. Do this until you feel a little more calm.

7. Sounds. Soothe your body with the sound of music or even with the sound of the ocean. Personally, I love the sound of rain falling, it’s very soothing. While trying to do #6 you can allow your body to calm its self with some mellow sounds.

8. Thinking. Stop thinking. I know, I know. How does one stop thinking during an anxiety attack? It’s one of the most hardest things, and honestly it can sometimes make things worse. But while you are doing #6 and #7 talk to yourself. Tell yourself things that will replace those thoughts of fear. Remind yourself about good times. Or as you listen to sounds of the ocean, think about how you are walking down the beach on a hot summer day. Control your thinking. Remember, it’s your brain and your thoughts. The only person in control is you. It’s your body, not anxiety’s. You can do it.

9. Isolation. If you are at a party, social gathering or basically any place where there are people, excuse yourself. Isolate yourself and give your mind a minute. Breathe. If you struggle with social anxiety you might find yourself not feeling comfortable around a lot of people. Give yourself a minute. If you want to try and overcome that anxiety allow yourself to stay where you are. Think, what is it that is triggering this anxiety? Is it the noise? The amount of people? The room is to small and feels like you can’t get to an exit? Calm yourself down. Sit or stand next to an exit if that makes you feel comfortable. Personally, sitting next to an exit helps ease my anxiety so much. Whether it’s in lecture hall, a restaurant, or a social gathering.

10.Happy Place. Go to your happy place if you are feeling way to overwhelmed with your anxiety. If your happy place is the park or your bedroom, go to that place. Sometimes your place might not even be a place but rather a person or an activity. Whatever the case is, go to what makes you happy. Whether it’s your mother, boyfriend, or the breeze of going on a long run, do it. If your happy place is unavailable and/or not reachable close your eyes and picture your happy place. If you are at the mall and your happy place is your room, let yourself know you will be there soon. Even if it’s not true just tell your brain that. “You’ll be home in 5 minutes.” Sometimes when I’m at a drive thru I get really bad anxiety and I let myself know that I can leave if I want. Our brain has a way of making us feel like we are trapped and won’t ever be able to go to our happy place. That’s not the case. You can leave wherever it is that you are whenever you want.

11. Distractions. BIG ONE RIGHT HERE. I personally wake up every morning with extreme anxiety and sometimes walking outside to water the plants or even going to the kitchen to cook helps distract your mind. If you like to run or go to the gym, the perfect time to do it is when you are having an anxiety attack. It sounds a little crazy, but trust me. Use it as a method of adrenaline and a way to motivate you to overcome anxiety. Distract your brain. During anxiety attacks your brain is only focusing on your fears and weaknesses. Let your brain know that you need to focus on how crooked the rug is, or how many loads of laundry you want to do today or how many sets of dead lifts you should do or how many goldfish you can fit in your mouth all at once. Distract yourself. Be there for yourself. Attack your brain with positive distractions.

12. Freak out. This might be the worst one on here but sometimes you just need to let it happen. Let your anxiety do its job and you’ll realize that (excuse my language..) this bitch is only here to waste your time. If you let your anxiety do its thing you will come to the realization that, you’re going to be fine. In that very moment you might want to make a deal with the devil, but

13. Pets. If you are allergic to pets disregard this, but if you aren’t this one might be your solution. Get yourself a pet. If you aren’t allowed to have pets in your house hold look into a service animals (click here) . I can not express how much animals help ease your anxiety. There presence helps fill the gap that you might be feeling when you are alone, they are great companions. When you are having an anxiety attack that will be absolutely clueless and just want to play with you. Going back to #11, they are great for distracting you. Such a cute puppy dog face is not so easy to say “no” to. Unless you are a bad owner, they insist on being taken outside. A simple walk to the park or even sitting outside on your front lawn playing with your dog is a step closer to easing your anxiety. Pets are great support for those who suffer with mental illnesses, also known as the unseeable. (Click here)

14. Tea. Chamomile with Lavender tea is the all mighty of anxiety remedies. Not only that but the smell is so calming. When drinking this you also have to an accepting mentality that it’s working. Be positive. Nothing much but drink it and let the warmth of the drink and the smell of the lavender sooth every inch of your body.

15. Yoga. Every time I go in to my monthly doctor visits, I always get recommended yoga. It helps with your breathing and keeps you calm. I guess I shouldn’t call this yoga, but rather stretches. There are some specific positions that will help remove tension from your body and make you feel good. I recommend you get a yoga mat, blanket, or even do it on the floor and do it outside. I mention going outside a lot because it is so soothing. While doing these positions focus on a positive mentality. Repeat step #1 and step #2. This is an article on some good yoga positions for anxiety, click here. Here are some of my favorite positions:

  • Downward Dog. This yoga position is so mentally pleasing. You are curled up and you simply become one with your body.
  • Cat Pose. This one is perfect to help with your breathing. You lift your spine up when you inhale and you bring it down when you exhale.

16. Medication. Not everyone is on medication, but if you are take your medications. In my case, I only take mine once a day at 8pm and that’s about it. There are some other over the counter medications that work magic. I am personally not a fan of having to take pills, but anxiety has a mind of its own. If none of these other steps help you, talk to your doctor and DO YOUR RESEARCH on the following over the counter medication:

  • Natrol Stress Anxiety Day and Nite Formula

17. Go outside. It is well known that taking a walk for at least 30 minutes a day will help ease your anxiety. Connect yourself with the sound of nature. I personally like to lay in my backyard and listen to the bird chirp and on windy days I love the sound of leaves brushing against each other. Go on a hike. Walk to the park. Watch the clouds move across the sky. Breathe in some good ol’d oxygen (while we still have it). More on how nature eases anxiety read this article: click here.

18. Make yourself comfortable. This is a weird one, so let me explain. Having your hair down during an anxiety attack is very frustrating. I don’t know if it’s because you become a little more aware of your body or what. As well as being to cold or to hot. The heat is a big trigger for anxiety attacks, but personally, my anxiety gets triggered with the coldness. So put on some sweaters or take off some clothes. If you are laying in bed and you feel to crowed in your room, go outside. If you are at a party with to many people, either leave or go to a part where there are fewer people (take a friend and/or stay safe). Point is get comfortable and you’ll find that it will help you quite a bit.. Going back to #9  and #10, if making yourself comfortable requires going to your happy place or isolating yourself, do it. It doesn’t matter if you inconvenience anybody, because they can’t see what’s going up in your brain.

19. Don’t be afraid. Going back and being a little more specific on #7, stop thinking about your anxiety attack. Theres a huge possibility that you are getting an anxiety attack because you are thinking about having one. I do that all the time, sometimes I even tell myself, “you’re going to have an anxiety attack at 3am when your dad leaves to work.” You are triggering yourself. Don’t.

20. End. Finally, realizing that with every beginning there is an end. I know that it might feel like you are going to die because of how much fear you are putting yourself through, but you aren’t. It’s all in your head, and that’s not on you. Whether you believe in God or not, things happen to us for a reason. Our strengths are tested and sometimes it might feel like the world is on your shoulders. But you have to realize that it’s just a rainy day there will soon be a rainbow. Whether it takes 2 hours or 2 years, there will be an end. I personally hate being told this, but it’s true, YOU AREN’T ALONE. So many people go through anxiety on a daily basis. Some people choose to fight it as should you. It might feel like the end of the world when your heart is racing, but it’s not. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are not anxiety. It’s time you take your mind back, baby.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

– Isaiah 43:2

mental health · writing


At this very moment I am having a panic attack. I have grown to be so immune to them, that it has basically turned into a routine. I’ve been testing different theories that calm anxiety/panic attacks. I haven’t had any luck, so I am testing my own out. I am trying to see if contact with a favorite hobby, such as writing, can ease the fear. Unfortunately, panic attacks are a hell lot worse than anxiety attacks. Most people probably don’t differentiate these attacks to be any less different, but I do.

When I experience an anxiety attack it’s usually when I am at a stop light and theres cars all around me, or when a car pulls up behind me at a drive thru and I can no longer back out. Anxiety attacks is the twin sister that Panic attacks forgot to mention. They hit you out of nowhere, especially with your everyday routines. The sudden fear over something that you never felt afraid over is quite overwhelming. When I experience a panic attack it normally happens when I am in situation that I can’t control, so I fight a lot. Not physically but in a frustrated way. With panic attacks I tend to walk back and forth and mumble things that don’t make sense. In that moment all I want to do is exit my body and just not feel anymore. Not in a suicidal way, but out of frustration. If that doesn’t make sense think about your favorite hobby, whether it’s listening to your favorite band or running. When you listen to your favorite band you find yourself getting lost to the lyrics that you become unaware with the world and sing your heart out. Or when you run and a sense of adrenaline kicks in because nobody can stop you. It’s just your feet and the endless pathway of the world. That feeling is all I want during my panic attacks, so I walk from my bedroom to the bathroom to the front door. Both these attacks are uncontrollable and they call for attention. The more that you focus on the fear that you are feeling and acknowledge that you are having an attack that has it’s mind of its own, it gets worse.

Nonetheless they both have similar triggers; coldness, nausea, loneliness, crowds, loud noises, and distance. Whenever I get cold, I shake a lot and with that I get nauseated. I have a huge fear of throwing up, because I am traumatized from my life experiences. As well as having a fear of not being able to have control of my body. Both my parents work and my brother has school to attend so when I am aware that I am going to be home alone my panic attacks begin. This is due to the fact that I am traumatized about the incident at the gas station. This has become well aware to me because before my anxiety, I praised being home alone, but now I cradle on the corner of my wall. Distance is a factor that comes with being left alone. The thought of my mom working at a place that is 10 minutes away, with a phone call process that is about 15 minutes terrifies me. I know that anxiety attacks are all mental and I’m not going to die. I know that, but when I am having an attack I don’t care about the facts, I just need someone to hug me.

I am currently taking medication, Clonazepam to help with my anxiety. I was prescribed 10mg but I only take 5mg. Every time I take the full dose, I find myself sitting in the E.R waiting room with extreme anxiety. I haven’t noticed any difference since I started taking this medication, but my mother says otherwise. When I first moved back home, my anxiety was out of control. It had me spending long nights in the E.R, and not to mention I wasn’t eating nor sleeping. In my opinion I do feel that my anxiety has calmed down a huge amount due to the fact that I wasn’t living every day thinking about having to go back to San Francisco where I had no friends or family. That obviously, calmed me down a lot, but my mother still thinks it’s the medication. I’m not a doctor so for all I know it could be the medication, but I highly doubt it. The reason being is that I have developed agoraphobia, which is a huge reason as to why I prefer to be in my room. Another reason is that I’ve been experiencing anxiety a lot, and just the other day my anxiety was as high as the day at the gas station (click here to read about that).

After writing this out, my theory was correct. I feel a lot better, although my anxiety is still there. I prefer this. I am okay with this. Acceptance was a theory behind my writing. What I mean by that is if you are having an anxiety attack or panic attack, take a deep breath cry and do a small activity. Accept that nothing you do will make your anxiety/panic go away, so you shouldn’t let it stop you from continuing your everyday life routine. As for a more realistic set of advice, don’t let this mental illness eat you of your character. Feel scared, feel sad, feel fear. Feeling is good. Feeling means that you still have control of your body. Cry, get frustrated, call the ambulance, run, take a bath, or drink tea. Whatever helps make you feel better. Because although this parasite is infecting you with fear, you will get through this. This very moment is only that. You are a hell of a strong human and nothing will knock you down. Crying and being afraid does not mean you are giving up, it means you are a human. It means that as long as you keep feeling, you are the only owner of that body of yours, and more specifically, of that brain. Keep feeling.


Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.

– Corinthians 16:13