Experiences · Life · writing


I am 19 years old and I have never consumed alcohol.

I have been into the hospital multiple times as well as to doctors appointments and every time I get asked the question, “Do you drink alcohol?” and every time I answer “no” they give me a look. You know the look? Probably not. Well it’s the same look your parents give you when they know you’re lying and/or hiding something. That look normally gets followed with a “I understand you are under age but do not be afraid to let us know if you have consumed alcohol in the past 24 hours. You aren’t in any trouble.” I go through this a lot. The look that I get from doctors is something that I ma used to. I am a 19 year old female who is on her second year of college and I have never drank alcohol? Yeah, I get it. It’s hard to believe it.

I don’t have any problem with anybody that drinks. It’s really non of my concern what it is that you decide to put into your body. Truly, if it makes you happy, keep doing what you love. Be safe and don’t let anybody stop you from doing your thing.

There’s really no reason as to why I don’t choose to consume alcohol. Religion and or any beliefs interfere with me not drinking alcohol. Personally if someone offered me some I would take it. I just have never been put into a situation where that has been done. I don’t really go out to parties, mostly because I have no friends. I stay home a lot of the time and even when I was living out in San Francisco, I still stayed sober. I had no friendships strong enough out there, so I never went out. For the most part it was school, work, lonely walks to the beach, grocery runs, etc. I never once went to a party, the craziest night I had out there in San Francisco was being apart of a sorority interest group. Late night rituals around candles at 3am, long emotional talks with strangers, and talking about my unknown future with the sorority girls. Alcohol? Never. In high school, I was never apart of the migration of the social butterflies, I was more of a caterpillar trying to figure out if I wanted to be on drum line or cross country. I spent weekends with my boyfriend or watching Netflix, as I do now.

Alcohol has never really been something that I needed to have fun. I get it that some people love to have it around when they are having a good time, and I don’t judge you or anybody. The only reason I don’t need it to have fun, because I have learned to not have access to it due to my social standing. Oh and because I am not 21.

I always beat myself up because of this little fact. How is it that my 19 year old butt has never consumed alcohol. Irma, really? But you lived in San Francisco. What??? Yeah. I sometimes have dreams of this girl, aka me, being a social butterfly and drinking alcohol. A lot of people think that a big deal breaker for me is telling me that there is going to be alcohol somewhere, but it really isn’t. I make choices based on the surroundings not so much the drinks. I guess that’s where I made my first mistake? I’m not really normal or what society considers “normal” is what I am trying to say. I take on the world from a whole different persona that most people don’t.

I guess at the end of the day it truly does’t matter what it is that I do and don’t put into my body, unless it’s poison then in that case it does matter. I know that nobody cares if I drink or not, but I am the biggest bully to myself. It bothers me that I haven’t been able to take this off my chest so now I am happy that I don’t have to carry this around. I am working on trying not to be so hard on myself, so if you are a constant reader of my blog get ready to hear about some odd facts that I beat myself up with on the daily.

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.

– Ephesians 5:18

Experiences · writing

Working for Instacart

As many of you know I was living in San Francisco and attending San Francisco State University. I wasn’t living in the dorms so I had to pay out of pocket for my housing on the first of every month. I was also commuting to school so I had to pay for gas and having to cook for myself daily. It got pretty hectic, so one job that was only paying $13.25/hour for 4 days a week and 4-5 hours a week wasn’t enough. I started look into getting a new job. My roommate started telling me about this job called “Instacart” that they only have in the Bay area and I was suddenly interested. Instacart is a job where you shop for peoples groceries and depending on your position you either bag the groceries, look for the groceries, or deliver. This job paid $20/ hour plus tips and on specific days the amount of money you got paid would go up to $30. It was a really good job.

For this job you were given a card to access the back room to pick up the groceries and a credit card for when you had to buy the groceries. I applied to be a delivery driver since I had a car and you were paid double. So for one hour I was making $40 plus tips. Oh and I should also mention that you got to pick your own hours, and it was all on you whether you wanted to work that week.

When I went out into San Francisco I had an open mind and tried to accept the fact this was going to be a new experience for me. I didn’t have any expectations of anything, because I mean this job description was a little to good to be true, right?

My first 3 orders were to go to Target and go to the backroom to access the bags. There is a GPS that tells you exactly where to go and where to park. So when I showed up it told me to go up towards the parking lot, but there was a parking lot down here where I was at, so I thought that my GPS was just confused. I parked and went inside Target and my phone told me to head to the second floor. I accessed the backroom and packed my cart with about 12 HEAVY grocery bags, and realized that you can’t bring shopping carts downstairs. My GPS wanted me to park upstairs for that reason. So I went to go move my car and there was absolutely no parking. I was very stressed out because this job is all about time. The quicker you make the deliveries the more you get paid. Every shift is only an hour long so you have to make 3 deliveries within that hour…in San Francisco. So I was circling the Target parking lot when I finally saw a parking spot. It was a very tine spot, but i figure that if I gave myself enough space I would be able to squeeze through. When I tried to back up so that I could give myself space I realized that a car was behind me and that freaked me out because I was now being pressured to do this faster. At this point my stress levels where really high. So I told myself to just try my best to park into the small space so that the car can go around me and I can fix my car. I was wrong. This lady didn’t even try to go around me but instead honked at me to hurry up. With my stress levels being so high up there I decided to pull out and just look for another parking spot. Unfortunately, as I was doing so I didn’t realize that I was so close to the car next to me. I crushed his whole rear end trying to back up, but when I say this I didn’t see it get crushed I simply just heard my car crushing aluminum and when I checked my rear mirror my car was squishing the rear of this car. I freaked out so bad I didn’t know what to do. I kept pulling out and I didn’t see anything on the car so I drove around looking for another parking spot and I called my mom crying. I told her I hit a car and I don’t know what to do. She told me to go leave a phone number on the windshield but when I went to go look at the car there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. I went in to Target with my groceries and realized that maybe the damage was only on my car, so I examined my car and it was totally fine. Was this God? I saw it with my own eyes. The side of my truck was crushing the rear end of this car. I ended up not leaving any note since the car was totally fine. I didn’t want them to take advantage of me in anyway so I drove off.

Once I had the orders in my car I was heading towards these peoples houses. San Francisco isn’t really a big city, there’s just a lot of traffic that it feels like it takes forever to get to your destination. So when I saw that my car was almost on empty I figured that I could make my last drop off before I got gas. I was so wrong. I hit a street where they were fixing the lights so there was so much traffic. My car started telling me that I needed gas. I was freaking out. I turned on my GPS to take me to the closest gas station which luckily was to the left of me but I was in the middle lane. Drivers in San Francisco are so rude and will not let you merge into their lane. I had a major panic attack. Traffic was so bad the cars weren’t moving for a good 5 minutes and that’s when it happened. My car turned off. Out of gas. In the middle of Divisidero St with about 100-200 cars. I didn’t bother to start my car in hope that it would magically find fuel when the construction guy gave us the go. God is real and God is good. I restarted my car and rudely cut off a car to get into the gas station. The Shell is probably one of the most expensive gas stations, especially when you are in the city.

I ended up calling out of my job where I worked as a T.A because I just wanted to go home and cry. It was a really bad day, but hey I lived to tell it.

The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

– Proverbs 18:10







College · Experiences · writing

Westlake Apartments

Back in July to August of 2016, I got screwed over by one of my friends (stay tuned for that blog entry) and was obligated to look for roommates/housemates on Facebook. By obligated I mean, if I wanted to attend San Francisco State University I was going to have to look for a place to stay. I didn’t get a dorm so I had to find an apartment.

I eventually found one with a girl name Laura and her boyfriend. It took awhile to find that 4th roommate but we did it. I paid $793/ month to share a bedroom with a stranger.

I lived in Daly City in the Westlake apartments, which are located in front of the shopping plaza. The apartment I lived in was a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom. In the first bedroom it was my female roommate, Aileen, and I and in the other other bedroom it was a female, Laura, and her boyfriend, whose name I believe was Jose. Aileen and I both had our individual beds, obviously, and Laura and Jose shared a bed. To most people, common sense would be to give the people with two beds the bigger bedroom right? Well not to them. I discovered that there bedroom was bigger than mine when I was helping Jose surprise Laura he gave me permission to enter their room. This was when I realized that she was very inconsiderate and not a nice person. She was in a sorority which I took a part in but they all ended up being a hot mess, also look out for this blog entry.

The first couple of weeks of living here I adapted rather quickly to everyones schedule and learned to stay out of everyones way.  The whole time that I lived there I learned to stay out of the kitchen from 6-8pm to avoid small talk. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them and didn’t want to talk to Laura or Jose but I got a weird vibe from them every time I ran into the in the house. I had a feeling that they didn’t like me so I tried to keep our conversations to the very minimum.

As for my roommate, it took her a couple of weeks before she took over the whole bedroom. When you walked into the bedroom my bed was directly in front of the door IMG_1296and Aileen’s bed was diagonally to the right from the door, in front of the closet door. In that room I only had my bed and one of those small white cubes from Target. Where as she had her bed, a bigger white cube, a mirror, her laundry basket and a huge drawer vanity like dresser that took up most of the room. I didn’t feel at home at all.

In October we began to get a very bad and problem that was getting all over over food in the kitchenScreen Shot 2017-04-12 at 6.51.01 PM. It was disgusting and I was the only one that killed them. By November they were in the bathroom and the bedrooms. Once we hit December a rat managed to infest our apartment. I come from a Mexican family that taught me to make sure my house is clean before I go out. The dishes had to be washed and my bedroom had to be clean. And that even though you can’t see the dirt on the floor, the table, or the couch, it’s there. I cleaned that apartment so mu50300220039__A8C6954A-F838-4CD9-8343-D60DAF9D8992ch. I don’t even think Aileen ever laid a finger on the broom. The ants really bothered me and it also got me furious how nobody did anything about it. Bugs don’t belong in your food. If you sent anything in the counter within a matter of seconds there would be ants all over it. I’m not sure why there were so many ants but when your roommate would leave the dishes to pile up for days, leave her food to rot, and never wipe the counters… it answered itself. It really stressed me out to know that nobody iimg_2730.pngnIMG_2731 the apartment besides me was trying to get it to be clean. I don’t like bugs in my food. This one time I made pasta and it lasted one day. Within one day there were ants all over the spoons and in the pot. This is when I began to stop eating because my food would always be covered in ants.

My roommate, Aileen, constantly let her boyfriend49835359899__6CD85A93-15C6-4649-9EFD-92D0621E55DC sleep in my bed whenever I would go back home for the weekend. How did I know? Well she would always text me, “when are you coming back,” which at first I thought she would text me because I thought she was my friend and wanted to hangout. Second, I would come back to find things on my bed that belonged to him. Third, she would make my bed in a way that I would never do. Fourth, she once told me the following words while on a hike, “whenever my 50646821472__3852D84E-E823-434F-8173-790C267C40CFboyfriend spends the night he can’t sleep on the same bed as me because I snore– so he sleeps in another room”. The first time it was an ear plug, didn’t think much of it. Second time, I found his watch under the covers and when I texted her she told me that he had sat on my bed. Which I wasn’t okay with because she would tell me how she didn’t like it when strangers sat on her bed, yet her boyfriend slept in mine? Third time, was another set of earplugs that where in my pillow case. After my anxiety issue at the fire house, I stayed back home with my parents for 2 weeks and she took complete advantage of that. She disrespected my things and she didn’t even care that while I was back at the hospital she was letting her disgusting boyfriend sleep in my bed. When I finally came back to the apartment, all of my things were on the floor, there were food crumbs on my bed, a random pillow, dirty ear plugs and a weird smell. I was in disgust. I had brought a tv into our bedroom because I thought we could use it for movie nights, but she had a different plan for it. Sex nights with her boyfriend. I’m not going to slut shame her so i’m not going to discuss her sexual activity that was done in that apartment.

My food. I worked 16 hours a week for $13.25 an hour. Food is expensive in San Francisco. Everyone who lives with roommates experiences having their food being eaten. I remember I would buy a dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme for around $10. I don’t eat a heavy breakfast nor do I like to drink coffee in the morning, so I liked to always have a donut in my car for after my classes. I would offer Aileen a donut, but she would take that as an invitation to not only eat the whole box but to offer it to her boyfriend. They were my donuts. Also, during the two holidays that I was there, Halloween and Christmas I liked to buy treats to use as decorations. I would buy a jar and out candies in them, because I am a very festive person. Within a day, Aileen’s boyfriend would just eat them all. Why? I want to know why there parents didn’t teach them a thing or two about respect what isn’t theres.

There was also this one time during Halloween where Aileen, Laura, and I carved pumpkins. It was probably one of the only times where I had hope and was willing to forgive them for being disgusting. Within a couple of days our pumpkins began to rot and attract bugs so Laura and I threw ours away. Aileen didn’t throw hers away until late November. At that point her orange pumpkin was black and had bugs crawling out of it. Laura and I had a small inside joke about this incident. It really just makes me question how people can’t be clean. It isn’t hard. I don’t even expect them to clean the house on a daily, but if they could at least try to be tidy it would’ve helped my situation.

I ordered some packages to the apartment and I have yet to get a text from any of them telling me that they have arrived. I received an e-mail saying that they have been delivered. It is more than one packages. As a matter of fact, I believe it’s 6-7 packages. Here is the link that says that it is illegal to open someone else’s mail: click here. You are committing a crime. But Aileen, I guess you are used to crime, since you allow your boyfriend to drink and drive. The day you asked me to go to a club with you and that your boyfriend and you were going to pregame and then drive to the event, you were basically asking me to risk my life. Inconsiderate. You’re old, Aileen, learn to mature. Grow up.

I’m not a confrontational person and try to avoid problems the most that I can so I never confronted any of them. I was in a new city, at a new school, potentially starting my new life. I didn’t want problems and I know that by posting this I risk them seeing it, but I want them to know that they weren’t good roommates/housemates. Laura, you cleaned but you did it in such a nasty way, no te enseno tu madre? Aileen, your like what? 23? And you can’t grab the Swifter and clean up? Jose, you were a good person so I have nothing to say to you. You always tried to make small talk but I’m socially awkward so I guess i’ll apologize for not being able to hold a conversation. Perdon.

Nonetheless, this post was a form of letting this out. I have held this anger for a while now and its time to forgive and forget. It is now in my past and I will be deleting them out of my life. The past is behind me and it’s time to take a step forward.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

– Colossians 3:13

Experiences · mental health · writing

The Hospital

I have never and will continue to never like hospitals. The smell of death roams those halls and the visits to the E.R drain me out of life. Here are some memories that I have of the hospital.

When I was in the first grade I spend December in the hospital because of my appendix. Recovery was awful. I remember not being able to eat any of the foods I wanted to eat. I would cry because I had to eat the foods that the hospital gave me and I didn’t like it. I remember my brother going to the mall with my uncle to go buy nachos for mom and I told them if they could bring me some. When they came back with my nachos the nurse told me that I couldn’t eat it, and later brought in a tray of jello and apple juice. Having to walk after days of laying in bed was very painful. I was very weak and didn’t have any strength to get out of bed. My dad told me that Santa Clause was downstairs giving away toys to all the kids in the hospital who did at least 5 laps around our floor. This really motivated me to get up so the nurse held the pole that my IV was connected to and my mom helped me on my left side. It was very painful. But I did it.

This hospital trip occurred in January of this year. I was very nauseated and my anxiety was very high. I felt very weird and uncomfortable. When I got there they instantly made me give them a pee sample and continued to only ask me questions about my sex life. I lied because my mother was present, but regardless of that I knew I was free from any virus and was not pregnant. I still had to pee. I hadn’t been able to drink or eat anything for a couple of days so I couldn’t urinate a good amount of pee into the cup. It was a very small amount, but there was pee in the cup.img_2568 I was then given water and asked to pee in the cup again. I was eventually able to get more pee in the cup and they were able to run testing on it. When they came to the realization that I wasn’t pregnant or had a urine infection they threw away there “she’s nauseated because she’s pregnant and is having anxiety because she doesn’t know how to tell her mother” concept. Throughout the whole visit the doctor kept making jokes about how I wasn’t pregnant, which was making me mad. When a female doctor came in she gave me an anti-nausea pill and a pill to help with my anxiety. The pills didn’t do anything but we left because I wasn’t going to receive any help.

The most recent trip to the hospital was in February. Anxiety was running throughout my whole body and I needed to throw-up. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I hadn’t ate for a couple of days and for only slept for 27 hours that whole week. I was low on energy and I felt like I was going to pass out at any point. Once I peed in the cup I laid on the bed and the nurse came in and examined my stomach and mouth. I was dehydrated and hyperventilating due to my anxiety. She hooked me up to the IV which was so painful. I hate needles. It was in my left forearm near my elbow. It hurt. First she gave me water for my dehydration. It was cold and I felt it in my back and all over my img_2573arms. It was a weird feeling. Then she put the anxiety medication in through the needle. This is where I lost it. While she was injecting me with it she told me that if I didn’t try to calm my anxiety my face was going to go numb and my hand were going to cramp so bad that they were going to start fold back. I freaked out more because my face got so numb while she told me that. I wave of dizziness hit me hard. The medication hit me instantly. I felt like I was going to pass out because within seconds of injecting me I felt it. I started concentrating on my breathing and trying to slow it down. The numbness from my right cheek and my arm began to go away and I was no longer dizzy. It was now 3am and my dad was going to leave to work. Heres the thing you should know about me, I am a big dimg_2572addys girl, especially when I am sick. I love my mom, but I don’t like not having my dad by my side when I am sick. My dad makes me feel protected and safe, I love him a lot. After crying and begging him not to leave, he eventually had to go to
work. I understood and began to focus more on trying to calm down so we could leave. We had to get a certain amount of water into my body (excuse me if water isn’t the right term i’m not sure what the exact name is) and wait for my anxiety to go away fully, before we cold leave. I was miserable and just wanted to sleep.

I am obviously forgetting a lot of hospital visits such as the time I was on roller skates and tripped over a hole and sprained my wrist, but these are the only ones I can really remember. I thought I would share these life experiences because although life got hard, I am okay now. So here’s to life.

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

– John 1:2

Experiences · Memories · writing

Illegal Park Parking?

This story has been on my mind all week and I thought I should share it, because it’s definitely a good one.

So in 2015, on my boyfriends birthday, we didn’t get to hang out because he had school and soccer practice. I was devastated because I wanted to hang out with him, as does every girl with her man. The only time he was able to hang out was after practice which was at 8pm, so I took it. We ended up getting some frozen yogurt to go, because there was a lot of people in there. We decided to go to a park, walking distance from his house, and sit at one of the benches and just talk.

The park was located around in a neighborhood with very small streets so if 2 cars going the opposite way were on the street one would have to sort of pull over and give the other guy a chance. Especially since, people parked their vehicles out on the street making the street even more narrow. At the time I didn’t have a car so I would use my moms big truck. Another small detail you should know is that I only had my license for about 5 months and I had to wear glasses when driving any vehicle. Oh and also, my moms car didn’t have an updated license plate because it was being mailed. My mom had warned me about this before giving me the keys to her truck so uh… foreshadow.

I pulled into the street where the park was located and pulled over to park. It ended up being freezing cold so we decided to just eat our frozen yogurt in the car while being parked next to a park at around 8:30ish (pm). Within 10 minutes a car pulls up behind us with very bright headlights and they just stay behind us. I got very scared because I potentially thought they were going to do something to us. These people had there top headlights so bright that you couldn’t see the car at all. All that I could see from my seat was a bright light. After 3-4 minutes I turned to my boyfriend, and said, “do you think they are trying to pass by but they don’t fit so they are waiting for us?” My boyfriend said yes, so I turned on my car and began to drive away. I drove at about 3 mph because once again it was a very narrow street and I was in a big truck. I didn’t get very far from the car behind us, when a man wearing all black comes sprinting out of his car and in front of the truck. IN FRONT OF THE TRUCK. I quickly turn around to my boyfriend and go “what the hell?!” I look up to my mirror and see red and blue lights flashing. I was being pulled over by a cop… sort of. I rolled down my window and a women comes walking to my car while the male cop that ran in front of the truck is standing by the passenger door, where my boyfriend is located. I turn to the female cop and she says, “You don’t ever drive away from a cop hun.” Crazy me would’ve gone off on her because shining your headlights at someone does not properly signal that you are a cop. But sadly, scared me responded with, “I didn’t know you were a cop.” And she continues to telling me that it is illegal to park next to a park after 7pm. Excuse me, hold up. What? I turned to my boyfriend and made a confused face. I didn’t say anything because I was confused at the stupidity of that law that I know for a fact isn’t real. I was young but not dumb. She then asks for my license and registration and my boyfriends information. This is where I got defensive, because you pulled me over not him. I told her his name and then questioned her as to why she needed it. She ignored me and then I told her. “We are literally just here eating frozen yogurt because it is his birthday. You are by all means more than welcome to check my car for whatever it is that you might think we have.” I handed her my papers and she walked away. I called my mom and told her what was happening, and she got mad at me. My boyfriend was very afraid due to his citizenship standing. I was a very educated 16 year old so I knew all of my rights. The lady then came back and told me to hang up the phone and continued to say, “I understand you are just here having dinner but you cant be parked here. Your plaques are expired but we just ran the documents and it says they are up to date.” Right behind where this cop pulled us over where 2 cars parked next to the park, so I could tell her logic was wrong. She handed me my license and papers back and then tells us we can go. I didn’t get a ticket, which I am very grateful about, but she pulled me over for the wrong reasons. Well I was already pulled over so technically I wasn’t pulled over. Anyways, she could have given me a ticket for not wearing my glasses and/or driving with someone in the car before my 11 month license mark. But she didn’t so thank you to her. Kind of.


College · Experiences · writing


It’s important that we remember to give back to those who aren’t as fortunate as us. I am currently studying at San Francisco State University and working in the city as a T.A for the GLO program, Postmates, and a full service shopper for Instacart. Living in San Francisco is not cheap at all, but I am blessed to have the little that I have. My jobs allow me to have money to be able to buy myself what I want. It’s normal. Recently i’ve been driving in the city a lot and I’ve been seeing a lot of homeless people which is “normal” in San Francisco. It makes me really sad. The other day I drove past a homeless shelter where homeless people were already lining up and it was barely 2:00pm. As “dramatic” as some may think I may be for saying that I did this, I cried. I am very grateful to have what I do, and that’s mostly because of my parents. I can’t imagine not having family or someone care about me enough to provide a roof over my head or nonetheless water. It’s crazy to me that San Francisco has normalized homelessness.

With that being said, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. If anyone is need of a little love or a friend don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I am all ears. Remember that it’s not about what you physically receive, but about who you surround yourself with. Not everyone has a loved one, so don’t forget to give back. It doesn’t take much to give to those who are less fortunate, because ones effort is always paid with gratitude.


“I accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters”

– Romans 14:1

College · Experiences · writing

On My Own: Day 1

I just want to cry. I’m holding in tears, because I’m trying to be strong for my mother. I’m not okay and I just want to go home. I’m alone.

I always hear about everyones awesome college experience but I know that I won’t have one. I don’t drink nor do I smoke, it has never been my thing and it’s something that I’m not interested in doing… ever. I live in Daly City, which is 4-6 minutes away from campus, which also means I have to drive to school everyday. Since the school wants to welcome all students they are having Welcome Days, and I’m trying to make friends so i’ve been driving to school to see if I can meet anyone. I hate it. I drove right past the school twice. I hate it so much.

I called an old friend up that happens to be staying at the dorms on campus and I took her and her roommate to the mall, just so I could get the heck out of my apartment, because I found myself getting crazy. I felt so left out the entire time, so I’m most likely not going to do that. To top it all off, my “friend” ended up posting on her snapchat story that she had just gone shopping with her roommate, completely cutting me off… as if I didn’t provide transportation or helped her choose clothes off.

I’ve never been the type of person to try so hard about having friends, because I feel like I do perfectly fine alone, but I’m miles away from home and I need someone to be able to trust and rely on. I need a friend, and I’m so scared. I’m losing my mind.

I haven’t ate and i’m not hungry. I’m locked up in my room with the lights off. Please help me.