August 4, 2017

So normally I am used to writing 2016 on the date but I accidentally wrote 2018. I am getting way to ahead of myself. Slow down, Irma. This is my second post of the day and I am so proud of myself. This is what I want for myself. It’s hard to make myself start writing, but once I start there’s no stopping me.

Since I didn’t really write daily entries this week I am going to be talking about varies days that is probably going to seem like one. But if you aren’t new to my blog, then you are completely aware that my blog entries are always all over the place. So here we go…

On Tuesday I had therapy. Well, it was called Behavioral Management, but it’s therapy. It was different. Very different than what I expected it to be. I sort of had this picture in my head based on movies and shows I had watched. I was greeted by a very energetic women, who identified herself as a social worker. She walked me into a rather small room that contained 4 chairs, a desk, and a bookshelf that was filled with toys. I instantly knew that it wasn’t going to be as bad as I thought. We talked about my anxiety and every so often she would stop and ask me if I was okay and if I wanted a glass of water. That in itself was very soothing, because she was going at a slow pace. It wasn’t just a “jump in the water and let your body get naturally used to it” but rather a dip your toes in. It was weird being able to talk to someone else, rather more a complete stranger, about my problems. The only person I ever talk to is my boyfriend because unfortunately I don’t have anybody else to unload my problems on. Well, wrong, I have this blog and all of my readers, but you know what I mean.

I can’t stop thinking about the future. Do I even have one? I’ve been really depressed lately and I am really trying to push through it. I feel like I am getting through it, but another part of me feels like I am ignoring it which is why it is perceived that I am doing good. I am pushing my problems to the side and telling myself I’ll worry about it tomorrow and simply taking hour long naps. I have no contact with the world whatsoever and that is frightening. I am a big lover of trees and the sun, but I can’t find myself to make contact with it. I love the ocean and hiking, but I am afraid of the drive towards these destination. Fear is keeping me away from everyone and everything. I won’t give up, but I want to.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

– Matthew 6:34

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