Dear... · writing

Dear God,

I can’t do this anymore. Why me? My education is gone. My friends are gone. My family doesn’t listen. My boyfriend can’t help me. I am sitting in these four walls talking to you. Have mercy on me. I can’t with all of this anymore.

When my mom asks why I don’t go out, what do I say? When my dad asks why I don’t have friends, what do I say? When my little brother asks me about college, what do I say? When my sister asks why I can’t go on a plane, what do I say? When my boyfriend invites me to his soccer games, what do I say?

God, give me hope. Give me something to look forward to. Give me motivation. I have nothing to live for anymore. I am scared of death so I decide to lock myself away in my room sort of like when I had depression in 7th grade.

God, these tears should be from laughing to hard. These tears should be from seeing my mom after being away from home because of college. These tears should be from everything but the fear that I hold.

Dios mio, que tengo que hace para que me escuches. Me siento sola y muerta. Mi cerebro se siente como si se va reventar. Mis pensamientos están por todos lados y veo puro negro.

I’m only human. I’m 5’2 and 120 pounds. I’m small. I can only take so much sadness into my body before it all blows. I’m tearing. I’m drowning. Help me, God.

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