Experiences · mental health · writing

The Hospital

I have never and will continue to never like hospitals. The smell of death roams those halls and the visits to the E.R drain me out of life. Here are some memories that I have of the hospital.

When I was in the first grade I spend December in the hospital because of my appendix. Recovery was awful. I remember not being able to eat any of the foods I wanted to eat. I would cry because I had to eat the foods that the hospital gave me and I didn’t like it. I remember my brother going to the mall with my uncle to go buy nachos for mom and I told them if they could bring me some. When they came back with my nachos the nurse told me that I couldn’t eat it, and later brought in a tray of jello and apple juice. Having to walk after days of laying in bed was very painful. I was very weak and didn’t have any strength to get out of bed. My dad told me that Santa Clause was downstairs giving away toys to all the kids in the hospital who did at least 5 laps around our floor. This really motivated me to get up so the nurse held the pole that my IV was connected to and my mom helped me on my left side. It was very painful. But I did it.

This hospital trip occurred in January of this year. I was very nauseated and my anxiety was very high. I felt very weird and uncomfortable. When I got there they instantly made me give them a pee sample and continued to only ask me questions about my sex life. I lied because my mother was present, but regardless of that I knew I was free from any virus and was not pregnant. I still had to pee. I hadn’t been able to drink or eat anything for a couple of days so I couldn’t urinate a good amount of pee into the cup. It was a very small amount, but there was pee in the cup.img_2568 I was then given water and asked to pee in the cup again. I was eventually able to get more pee in the cup and they were able to run testing on it. When they came to the realization that I wasn’t pregnant or had a urine infection they threw away there “she’s nauseated because she’s pregnant and is having anxiety because she doesn’t know how to tell her mother” concept. Throughout the whole visit the doctor kept making jokes about how I wasn’t pregnant, which was making me mad. When a female doctor came in she gave me an anti-nausea pill and a pill to help with my anxiety. The pills didn’t do anything but we left because I wasn’t going to receive any help.

The most recent trip to the hospital was in February. Anxiety was running throughout my whole body and I needed to throw-up. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I hadn’t ate for a couple of days and for only slept for 27 hours that whole week. I was low on energy and I felt like I was going to pass out at any point. Once I peed in the cup I laid on the bed and the nurse came in and examined my stomach and mouth. I was dehydrated and hyperventilating due to my anxiety. She hooked me up to the IV which was so painful. I hate needles. It was in my left forearm near my elbow. It hurt. First she gave me water for my dehydration. It was cold and I felt it in my back and all over my img_2573arms. It was a weird feeling. Then she put the anxiety medication in through the needle. This is where I lost it. While she was injecting me with it she told me that if I didn’t try to calm my anxiety my face was going to go numb and my hand were going to cramp so bad that they were going to start fold back. I freaked out more because my face got so numb while she told me that. I wave of dizziness hit me hard. The medication hit me instantly. I felt like I was going to pass out because within seconds of injecting me I felt it. I started concentrating on my breathing and trying to slow it down. The numbness from my right cheek and my arm began to go away and I was no longer dizzy. It was now 3am and my dad was going to leave to work. Heres the thing you should know about me, I am a big dimg_2572addys girl, especially when I am sick. I love my mom, but I don’t like not having my dad by my side when I am sick. My dad makes me feel protected and safe, I love him a lot. After crying and begging him not to leave, he eventually had to go to
work. I understood and began to focus more on trying to calm down so we could leave. We had to get a certain amount of water into my body (excuse me if water isn’t the right term i’m not sure what the exact name is) and wait for my anxiety to go away fully, before we cold leave. I was miserable and just wanted to sleep.

I am obviously forgetting a lot of hospital visits such as the time I was on roller skates and tripped over a hole and sprained my wrist, but these are the only ones I can really remember. I thought I would share these life experiences because although life got hard, I am okay now. So here’s to life.

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

– John 1:2


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