Rambling

I am probably one of the most awkwardest people alive. I blame that as to why I don’t have friends. I always take a step back after words spit out of my mouth. How did I just say that? Trust me I’m giving myself a bad time about how I can never hold a “normal” conversation. So I apologize in advance if you have ever talked to me and left with a weird expression on your face. I talk a lot and most of the time I don’t think about what I say when I am saying it.

I guess you can say that it’s because I try to hard to be like everyone else that words just come out and make me not make sense. I get nervous when I talk to people, regardless of who it is that I am talking too. Girl? Nervous. Boy? Nervous. Old man? Nervous. 5 year old kid? Nervous. I can’t help myself. I don’t know what to do to be like everyone else or to just be myself.

I always get left in these situations where I regret approaching someone because the way they think about me after the conversation is most likely negative. I am sorry.

Yesterday my good friend from when I ran track and field and cross country approached me and I didn’t know what to say. I sat there not wanting to say the wrong thing that it made me say exactly that, stupidity. I wanted to congratulate him on his mile time, to ask him about college, to ask how he has been, to exchange numbers, but I didn’t.

I don’t know if that’s because I let my anxiety do a lot of the talking for me or what, but I don’t enjoy talking as much as I did.

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

– Proverbs 12:25

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