Triggers

The last episode of 13 Reasons Why was very triggering. I’ve been seeing all these trigger warnings all over social media but I didn’t really feel like it applied to me. I was wrong. On the last episode, Hannah Baker is slitting her wrist and the feeling of metal against my skin came to me, instantly.

It made me press pause and take a step back and really look at what i’ve really overcame in life. Overcoming depression isn’t something that a lot of people get to say that they did. But I do. I was once a victim of self harm. I am 617 days clean from self harm and I think I need to give my self more props on that. I was once living in a moment where I needed to get rid of my pain by hurting myself. I don’t feel the need to do that anymore, because I have learned to look at the beauty of life. Life is worth living and I have been so grateful for every breath of air I have taken. For all I know I could have ended my life. I would be lying if I said I don’t have days where I wish I wasn’t alive. It’s not normal and I feel like at one point in my life I got so numb to that feeling that it was weird if I didn’t feel like dying. Saying I wanted to die are really strong words that people tend to just blurt out and it’s crazy to me because most people if not all don’t mean it. Where as I was hoping that day would come soon.

Schools don’t offer that type of help to students, or at least not the one I went to. Nobody takes the topic of feeling depressed or suicidal serious because of how much people joke around with it. It’s an actual feeling that eats away at peoples brains.

As someone who has cried in my bedroom floor for months feeling hopeless, I hope that if you need help you reach out. Life is worth living, I promise. Don’t let small negative road bumps knock you down, because nobody knows you more than you know yourself. It’s a bad day not a bad life. Reach out to a family member, a friend, a counselor, a hotline, a doctor, a stranger, anybody. I promise that anybody will rather have you at their front door at 2am than have to attend your funeral. Live. Take everyday slow and learn to take a step back every now and then to know that everything is going to be okay.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−7233

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

– Jeremiah 29:11

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