Daily Entries · writing

March 30, 2017

I am very stressed out and I knew this was bound to happen because I haven’t been taking my education all that serious. I got an email reminder from my professor saying that our paper was due today at 11:55pm and when I read it, it was 11:42pm. I had completely no idea that I had to even do this paper, because I’ve been focusing on everything but school. My parents are always telling me that they don’t want to see me in my room so I’ve been doing the most to not be in here. Which has potentially led to not even looking at my homework assignments. This was definitely a wake up call and I am not going to let there be another late assignment.

As for the rest of my day, it was very tiring. I went hiking in Winters, California at the Homestead trail and it kicked my butt. It was 5 miles long and I made the mistake of only bringing one water bottle. It was a very needed nature walk to help me clear my mind from the stress that I have been feeling from my anxiety. Lately i’ve been over thinking about getting anxiety attacks which only lead to them. On the drive to this trail, my anxiety levels were pretty high and my legs were shaking when I got down from my car. The reason being is that we were about to do a hike were we would not have signal and it was going to be in the mountains. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a phone to survive but my anxiety is unpredictable. When I get attacks all I ever want is the reassuring feeling that an ambulance is on its way and that the option of receiving help is always on the table. So when we got to the top of the mountain, 2.75 miles into the hike, you could imagine how crazy my thoughts were. Nonetheless, I did it, and I didn’t let my anxiety get to me. The breeze when we got to the top of the hill I got a feeling that everything was going to be okay. I was doing what I love doing again and thats something I wouldn’t trade for in the world. I love feeling connected to nature and looking at breath taking views. I live for it.

I thank God for being by my side today and for the faith that my boyfriend had in me. He pushed me up so many hills when all I wanted to give up, and it was all a metaphor for how our relationship has been lately. Anxiety was the trail and my boyfriend never once gave up on me. He made sure I was okay through out the whole thing and made sure that if at any point I needed to go back, we could. I have truly been blessed to have such an amazing boyfriend who helps me out when I really need him.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

– Isaiah 41:10


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