Daily Entries · writing

March 29, 2017

Wow. It was such an amazing day and I am so blessed to have the people that I have, in my life. I thank God for giving me another year of life because he knows damn right that he didn’t have to. Especially with all of my horrible anxiety experiences that I have been having.

Let me start off my with my boyfriend. For undocumented people to get a job it is quite difficult because most jobs require you to have a social security number, others require a background check, or even a valid I.D such as a drivers license. It’s difficult to legally obtain these items so a lot of people stick to jobs like landscaping or working in the fields. I’m not saying everyone or that this information is even the closest to being accurate because I am just stating what I have noticed in my family. Jobs are normally obtained if they are from friend to friend or family to family. So imagine an 18 year old boy working with friends and family to make money. Since he only “helps out” and isn’t an actual worker he gets paid below minimum wage. On top of that he has school, soccer practice, mentors soccer kids, soccer games, and trains soccer kids which are all located in different cities and sometimes even on the same day. So image when my boyfriend handed me a polaroid camera today and told me “Happy Birthday”. He was handing me more than just an item. Nothing ever goes unnoticed when it comes to me and this boy.. better yet this man never fails to make me happy. Besides the fact of his citizenship standing, he doesn’t have the time to hold on a job that requires a lot of scheduling. So the fact that the little that he did work, he used that money to buy me a camera and film. God, I am truly blessed.

My parents. Wow. I love them so much and the support that they have provided is honestly the best present I could ever ask for. Through every struggle I’ve had, they have always stood there and supported me. My dad treated me to a manicure and pedicure which was a new experience for me. This was the second time in my life getting a manicure and the first time ever getting a pedicure. As for my mom, she will be taking me in to the salon for a hair and eyelash appointment. I appreciate them so much and I hope they know that there actions never go unnoticed either. Oh and my mom brought 10 balloons after work, which made me cry. I’ve been so emotional today and I blame my birth control.

Now my siblings. Growing up, your siblings are your only true friends because your family normally doesn’t trust you talking to anybody else at such a young age. Not in an anti-social way but in a “we only speak Spanish so don’t make us have to struggle to learn how to say  “can you tell my daughter to come home now”” way. I love my sister and brother and I would do anything for them. Such as doing my sisters job (which i have) or changing my brothers test answers (also guilty). There family. My sister made me feel so loved, from 12:00am to 11:30pm. I love her and she’s my role model. My brother hugged me today and guess who cried? Me. Once again, I blame the birth control. My sister is actually paying for my premium upgrade on this blog which I am so excited about!!

As for the rest of my family, they really set a really high bar. My uncle, the one who from 1 hour to SF to pick me up, then 2 hours to take me back home because of my anxiety, then 2 hours to drive himself back to SF, and then 1 hour to drive back to SJ is the greatest. He sent me “Las Mananitas”, which made me cry so much. He so warm hearted and loves me so much. My uncle is also undocumented is getting his butt kicked everyday building houses. He will be driving to visit me this weekend even though he has work. I love him so much and I am so excited to see him. My other family sent me a lot of birthday wishes that made me feel so blessed. Family that I didn’t even know I had popped out of bushes, but I still love them.

Lastly, acquaintances. I’m thankful for the and for this one time a year coming out and talking to me. Regardless of never actually communicating they still reached out to send me birthday wishes. One person really got to me and I love her so much. Right after high school ended me and this girl hit a rough patch and what I got out of that fight was that she hated me. When my dog passed away she reached and she reached out again today. I’ve known her since elementary school and we’ve had some crazy experiences. She posted a picture of me, and said some nice things which made me cry a lot. It was the first tear that I shed all day. I lover her a lot, and I hope she is doing amazing things in life. I pray for her along with everyone that sent me birthday wishes. Such nice things were said to me today, whether they were fake or not, I very much needed them. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear a lot of these words until I got texts, snapchats, tweets, phone calls, instagram and facebooks tags, and some very generous venmos.

It’s another year of life and I am ready for what God has set for me. It’s a new milestone and I will be leaving people behind. I am 19 years old and I am ready to kick anxietys ass and hopefully get off my medication by the end of this year. No more being a debbie downer, I really need to mentally grow up and look on the bright side. No more drama and no more crying over not having friends. I have a car, I can go out and do my own thing. Run and workout. Do me. Start a business. Go to events. Put myself out there. I will be okay, because if people don’t need me then guess what, I don’t need them. And hey, life goes on.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

– Jeremiah 29:11


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