College · mental health · writing

College Acceptance Letters

In first grade, I remember we got a blank paper with 100 squares. Our task was to write 1-100 on the paper, which I was the first to complete. After getting so bored of having to wait for the whole class to finish I decided to turn my paper around and continue to 200. For some odd reason I thought that after 100 it went a little like this…” 100, 110, 120, 130..etc”. I remember a kid, Christian R, pointing it out, and having the whole class laugh at me. I sat there holding in my tears, sort of like I am now. 13 years of giving it not just my all but more. I did varsity sports, participated in over 20 clubs, and did 188 hours of community service hours before my senior year. Let’s not forget that I never got anything below a 3.5 gpa. I did this all while trying to hold myself in one piece, because depression was eating my brains out. Over 90% (Source: Click Here) of those who have depression, commit suicide. I did self harm, and always felt the need to end my existence. I stand here today reading a rejection letter from my top choice, UC Berkeley. My SAT/ACT scores weren’t so great, because unfortunately I don’t do so good under pressure. Sitting in a dead silent classroom with the feeling that if you mess this up all of your hard work would’ve been for nothing and it was. I remember getting really claustrophobic in the classrooms that I would take testing, because there was no windows. Panic attacks would begin to come over me and my main focus was no longer the test but trying to get out of the class. No matter how much I understand the concept, testing has just never been a good friend of mine and that just goes back to my anxiety. My social media was always filled with photos of my peers at parties having the time of their life’s, while I was at home studying for a test that I didn’t have until the following Monday. Somehow it’s 2016 and testing still determines whether i’m good at math or English. I was always basing my life off my siblings and I got to fed up with trying to be perfect. She graduated top 10 of her class, is currently attending one of the best universities of California, and she got so many scholarships. My brother is an all-star athlete and will most likely get a full-ride scholarship to his top choice school. Then there’s me, I couldn’t get in to my top choice. I know that deep down I made my parents upset, and I know that I have failed at making them proud. I never brought medals home and I just didn’t compare to my brother. With the little that I have i’m trying to make the best out of it and it isn’t going so well.


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